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Nebtown Gazelle: Walmart Rolls Back Rollback Prices

Page history last edited by Nebual 11 years, 3 months ago


     Recently the marketing team at Walmart has decided to lower their Rollback prices. For those that don't shop at Walmart, and have no doubt been living under a rock for at least a decade, Walmart prices are fucking low as shit. The move they called their "Final Solution" was created by lead Walmart Employee: the Monopoly guy. As many people know some stores that sell things still exist, and they aren't Walmart. Obviously according to Walmart this simply cannot be. Some people with brown hair, and blue eyes still do not shop at Walmart. This can also not be. The new price lowering brought already low prices to around one dollar less per item. Walmart has also launched a European invasion expanding from it's initial bases in Central Europe with places such as Germany, and Poland. They have even went so far as to break their sales agreement with Stuff For You! in Russia, and have already launched countless trailer trucks full of equipment, and building supplies. Here is a map of their recent Walmart expansion plan. 




     However not everyone is benefiting in this move. Some non-faithful people who do not believe in the Walmart Overmind continue to resist, and shop at discount stores to promote what they say is a "healthy variety". Of course they are retarded, and Walmart obviously costs less, but that doesn't mean they have it easy. Due to the recent recession many of them have filed for bankruptcy, and ironically have came to reside in Walmart Re Education camps. These camps will teach them the fundamental things about being in the Walmart Regime, and how they can help bring peace, and order to the world by crushing all opposition that Walmart faces. This is not surprising as Walmart is the superior breed of Supermarket, and all else must be assimilated into it's cause. Oh yes the camps also force people to do extremely hard labour, without food, in Indonesia. Hardly a problematic thing really. According to Walmart, CEO Micheal Duke has recently stepped in, and is excited in leading the world Walmart in new directions. We had a chance to speak with him after one of his Walmacht rallies.


     Duke: Hello Nebtown News What Can I Do For You, Loyal Walmart Shoppers.

     Us: Well Duke us here at Nebtown would like to hear your brilliant plans for the future.

     Duke: Yes well the rollback prices were a very necessary part of the plan for "consumer satisfaction" you see with more, and more volunteer workers from far away nations wanting to help the Walmart cause with 14 hours of each day we thought it necessary to lower the profit margin even more for you loyal shoppers.

     Us: I see what about the disbelievers, and their cause. Why do they not shop at Walmart, and get great deals like 3 duckies for 9.99$?

     Duke: Well you see these "people" mostly live poor, and unfortunate lives. They have probably been brainwashed by their grandfathers or people that just don't love Walmart. As if anyone born in the last 30 years wouldn't like Walmart right? However many have lost everything, and Walmart being the generous guys we are have "accommodated them". We plan to help these useless losers find great work in the Walmart cause.

     Us: Some say your new idea to create low price firearms is taking it over the line, what do you have to say in that regard?

     Duke: Why yes some people think this will lead to great violence as just about anybody could buy a gun, but this is America, and if someone wants to buy a low priced gun they should have that freedom. It's an amendment! The thing is gun stores were just too expensive, but we've solved that. It's not as if anyone would use these weapons without signing our usage agreement. Or anyone would use them to start a violent revolt to eliminate taxes. That'd be crazy.

     Us: What can we see in the future line of Walmart products?

     Duke: Well I'm not usually one to divulge company secrets, but you can expect a lot of Walmart propaganda. Some for displaying your loyalty to Walmart, others to brand non-shoppers and ridicule them into buying from Walmart.

     Us: Thanks for your time Duke

     Duke: No problem members of this exciting revolution.


     He even gave us some insiteful look into what they may probably look like.


     Props To Anyone That Gets This Part

Its on my site, hence I own it. Le lol!

Comments (8)

(account deleted) said

at 9:49 am on Aug 20, 2009


Katlatze said

at 9:49 am on Aug 20, 2009

This isn't an article at all!

(account deleted) said

at 9:59 am on Aug 20, 2009

Erm...kat...He hasnt started to make it..

Katlatze said

at 10:38 am on Aug 20, 2009

WOH BISH. We posted at the same time earlier. I hadn't even seen yours when I added mine.

(account deleted) said

at 11:26 am on Aug 20, 2009

Oh, lawl. mah badz0rs.

(account deleted) said

at 9:08 pm on Aug 20, 2009

lol....not bad.

Katlatze said

at 12:47 am on Aug 21, 2009


Fractal said

at 6:57 pm on Aug 27, 2009


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