All names have been changed to preserve individual's privacy. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

     In recent news, the story of an Alexander Lettuce, an indecisive teen, has been rampaging across the front-page of Global news everywhere. Nations of the world are eagerly awaiting his decision for who he should choose as a mate. While the boy does have a plethora of bitches to choose from it is noted that he is being incredibly indecisive and stubborn. Some speculate that as an excuse for his indecisiveness he chose to announce that he was homosexual and had a secret crush on the pro SC2 player known only as Kris. However these rumours have never been confirmed. Most of the world is simply puzzled how he cannot bring himself to boning one of the many spectacularly beautiful babes underneath his painted fingernails. The world has been following this top story for quite awhile and here at the Nebtown Gazelle we feel a brief history lesson will be in order.

     Humble Beginnings: The Nicolera

     In the early years of the teen's adolescence, the world watched as he became fixated on a girl known only as Nicole. An outspoken environmentalist and top scholar, it seemed like everything Alex could have ever wanted, but there was a catch. He just couldn't bring himself to move past the friend zone. The sheer strength of Nicole's attracting forces brought him close but he wasn't a magnet so he just couldn't snap it together. So in silence he waited and watched and she ventured out with different men, men that weren't him, men that he thought could never be him. Some strong believers in Alex, believed he could then (and still can) fulfill his dreams and shack up with Nicole. This daring, traditional sect is commonly called the "Ballsy Alex" sect of Alex enthusiasts. However as time passed the fixation faded, and he began to resume the search for other mates.

     A Brief Spark: Wrendomly it happened.

After Nicole came her successor. The straight-A brunette womanly goddess "The Big W". Also an avid dancer, as well as thoroughly involved in theater productions, "The Big W" stole the creative side of Alex's heart. With a curious, almost artistic, expression on her face most of the time, he became incredibly aroused and lustily wanted her more and more. However as it happened her schedule and ambitions were quite the roadblock. With dance practices here and there and stagecraft whenever it was opportune for Alex the opportunity quickly faded. The brief spark that were the Wrensday months faded into the annals of history almost forever forgotten. The few that remembered became the keepers of the sacred scrolls of the Heart-Wrenching Goddess.

     Probably, most likely, a bad idea agreed on by all Parties.

Another possible suitor has stood through the test of time, but also brought up many questions. Previously accused of insanity, the highly controversial Hannah has been a possible mate for Alex since his early years as a wanting male. Due to unfortunate circumstances, it turned out this one was a tad more volatile than her future successors as a result a scandal, famously known as the Hannah Gate scandal, led to the unfolding of a dramatic expulsion of Hannah and nuclear meltdown of Reactor 5 at the Fukushima Prefecture. With the possible mate removed from accessibility, Alex's mind began to ponder the thought less and less. While perhaps initially intrigued, the question soon became a why instead of an if. Although he had believed to have dropped the case, previous resurgences have occurred, sometimes inflicting massive damage. Most believe it is best to cease the pursuit of this volatile substance, however a cynical few believe that Alex should still go after this fiery dame.

(Pictured here an artists rendering of "Hannah")

     A very, very, good idea.

In recent times the uprising of the famous walking seductress Katherine has raised many questions about Alex's motives. Katherine wished to engage in, at the very least, a friendly relationship with the young teen as they shared many similar interests. Reading, Chemistry, strange jokes, and yet the boy remained passive. Always unsure to make the next move or not. With gratuitous amounts of coaching he was eventually persuaded to peruse the possibility of an in-school outing with the female, but it was respectfully declined. He has since made no further advances. Many of the Alex enthusiast crowd believes this option to the the best option available. The Chemistry is there, literally, their interests do not conflict and the woman is exceptionally attractive. A man able to resist the magnetic force of Katherine has not been found, but Alex believes himself to be able. Only more time will tell if Alex will let this one slide as well.

     The other great, possibly better idea.

In even more recent times a new star has climbed the priority list for the teen. A blond woman known to be a fan of the webcomic XKCD and conveniently located within Alex's teacher's assistant block has become an enticing option. With devilish looks and a sense of humour others may share Nora has become the pick of many Alex enthusiasts. Naming themselves the "Don't say No to Nora" Initiative these members have made it their sole goal to assisting Alex in his feeble attempts to win the heart of this amazing woman. Many are impressed at the Alex's boldness due to an independent move in which he asked the woman out for a round of Big Dubs. While a tad shy the round of Big Dubs was generally well received by the community and left many fans wanting more. At the moment the Big N is a one of the top choices on the "Who should Alex Bang" poll that was issued in the 2011 world census.  

     That special guy.

     In a shocking move, possibly to avoid the constant pressure from his fans, the Alex Lettuce announced that he was no longer interested in women. He went about this by announcing to the world that he was homosexual and has his sights set on the rising star Kris also known as Kristler or ZZKris. A talented piano player, Rubik's cube champion, and upcoming SC2 MLG pro. The Kris has been a great third choice for those not-sure on the women involved in the poll. With the addition of a male into the running those previously not interested in the Alex scene have become veerryyyy interested. Gnome' sayin. While the Kris has been criticized as being too polyamorous in the sense that he may not be exclusively for Alex, most believe that it is generally in the better interests of Alex to forgo this concern and trust his instincts and perhaps work on his P v Z, just sayin'. The Kris has also been the first to have confirmed Alex approval at least for a short time only.

(The 300 APM Team Evil Geniuses Pro, In a Fearsome Bobble Hat)

     A New Challenger Approaches

     Not much is known about the shady man/who knows known as Lance. However it has been revealed that the Alex may have invested an interest in him, with a deep, unrelenting devotion. The Nebtown Gazelle wishes to extract more information on this Lance character and keep the populace well informed. Look for this Lance man possibly becoming a rival competitor in the months to come.  

Nebtown Decides

     While us here at the Nebtown Gazelle prefer to keep a neutrally neutral stance on current events, we would wholly appreciate the input on the Nebtown Community. To input your own opinion on the matter send it straight to the source at Alexanderlettuce@gmail.com