New from DuckCo!

AIDS 2.0!

Yes, the world famous AIDS is now on version 2.0 from DuckCo! This version is a great improvement over the last one, involving a whole new transmission method! No more condom pricking for you!

AIDS 2.0 has many great features, including:

• New transmission method! Now spreads by making the target burst into flames!
• Now has some perks! Those who survive the spontaneous combustion are nearly invincible!
• Has no physically possible cure!
• Can be spread by natural fires as well! So avoid catching fire!
• Also for those of the feminine persuasion, AIDS 2.0 now transforms flabby breasts into CANNONS!
• AIDS 2.0 uses new technology to BURN YOU FROM THE INSIDE! Great for getting rid of diseases!

And all this could be yours for only 12 payments of $19.95!

Lets see those testimonials:

"I used AIDS 2.0 to initiate the destruction of Antarctica! Works great, and keeps me nice and toasty!"

     -Amy Foister, Certified E.V.O.D.

"Wait what? Who are you? Why am I here? Fuck, not again..."

     -Some Random Hobo, Certified Hobo

Call now and get yours today!

Again, that number is 1-993-2391-29292-192939-2!

Below is a log of changes, for those tech savvy enough:

• AIDS 2.02_03
• Fixed a bug in which victims would die prematurely, and not combust.
• Fixed a rare bug in which victims would transform into stuffed shoes
• Fixed a semi-rare bug in which transmission would fail and cause space-time tears
• Added the ability to repair space-time tears caused by the aforementioned bug
• Can now eat through lead. Not sure where this would be useful, but we decided it was interesting enough.
• AIDS 2.06_26
• Fixed a whole mess of bugs that caused a 404 error
• Fixed a rather common bug in which some users would burst into flames themselves
• Added a neural interface
• Added a remote neural interface for your victims
• Unintentionally added telekinesis into the operational neural interface. We'll just let you decide if that's a bug or an addition.
• Fixed space-time tears AGAIN.
• Fixed a bug that caused small invasions of pan-dimensional plants.
• Added a herbicide.
• AIDS 2.07_21
• Fixed inter-dimensional rift-worms from appearing in some users 
• Added influenza fighting capabilities! Sure, you won't die from the flu now, but anything else can still kill you!
• Added potato famine generator
• Removed a couple polypeptides, nothing you should worry your little insignificant brain about.
• Fixed a bug where some users would fall into inter-dimensional rifts
• Fixed a bug where some users would fall into inter-dimensional rifts, while on fire.
• Fixed a bug where some users would fall into inter-dimensional rifts, while on fire, while emitting an extremely annoying version of "Nyan Cat"
• Added an inter-dimensional rift sowing kit! Built right in! 
• AIDS 2.09_33
• Fixed a bug in which a Britney Spears-Ke$ha mutant would enter our dimension through a rift created by the combustion process
• Fixed a bug in which the combustion process caused rifts AGAIN
• Fixed a bug in which some users might experience infertility and/or impotence.
• Added an aphrodisiac
• Added an earthquake monitoring API. For those that can use it, the Earth trembles beneath you...
• Added in a calculator/tracker for infection rates and statistics. Now you can TRACK your damage!
• Fixed another bug that caused Nyan cats to pour endlessly from a victim's eyes, and creating an army of evil Tacnayn.
• Fixed a bug in which [REDACTED] was stopped from [REDACTED] to [REDACTED] from [REDACTED]

Warning: If you experience an erection lasting longer than 4 hours, see a doctor immediately. And infect him.