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Nebtown Gazelle: Anti-Stress Advocates the Cause for Increased Teen Stress

Page history last edited by Bob Dole 14 years, 2 months ago

 

     With many students nearing final exams in the end of January, the last things students need is stress. Unfortunately that is just what a bunch of so called Test Anxiety videos are giving them. Many students ,previously unaware of how stressful exams can be, have begun to experience many of the symptoms. After being told that test anxiety happens to everyone, and that its nearly unavoidable, stressed out teens have increased 156% A series of twenty-three minute long videos may be to blame. The videos attempt to explain how to deal with stressful situations, and how to avoid them all together, but have they gone too far? Many think yes.

 

     In the beginning, when many of these videos began hitting the markets, over 75% of students did not have a clue what test anxiety was. It was simply something unheard of. Many students carried about their daily lives without ever breaking a sweat over a test that was worth 30% of their grade.

     "Before these horrible videos I use to have straight A's, and I never even knew that I should have been petrified about taking a test!" - exclaimed a frightened Jim Bradshaw. The vile videos are said to promote things such as getting enough sleep, and creating a decent study space, but sadly this is not a resource everyone can afford.

     "Now I can't help but think if I don't have the pristine study space, I'm going to fail! Is eight hours enough sleep? Is that what they say is adequate? Oh I don't remember anymore." The main culprit behind such atrocities as this is the overly cheerful slighty pedobearish host that describes anxiety as a vicious man-eating shark. He also explains how to turn the shark into a nice goldfish named Phil, but sadly students are currently to scared of the shark to transform it.

     "The host too! That guys in my head everytime I try to write a test. I just blank because he's constantly talking about the fucking goldfish Phil. I mean I study,study, study, and when I get to the test its like I never even did!

Many have also found their anxiety increases as they try, and remember what the fuck the guy in the red t-shirt said.

     "I mean he said that to study I need to use some sort of method or I'll fail. I can't remember that method though was is SG33? or SQL4? Fuck I give up."

     Many parents are also currently petitioning to have the so called self help videos banned, but some fear the damage has already been done.

"My son won't even look at a test anymore, he says that he keeps on forgetting how to avoid negative self talk, and he really gets on himself about that one."

"Why my daughter is trying so hard to pass, but she won't even go to the bathroom for fear she'll be procrastinating. Her bladder exploded last week."

Despite this many schools stance remains the same.

"We paid 223 bucks for these things off ebay, and I'll be damned if were not gonna use em!" shouted Vice Principal Fuller of Redmont.

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